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Have you ever wondered why your best friend, who is so smart and has a heart the size of the universe, is dating a loser who you think doesn't treat her like she deserves? Or why is your successful colleague always complaining about her husband's obnoxious behavior?
A question we all have asked ourselves...
How do smart, successful women frequently end up in toxic relationships?
Science has also wondered, and research indicates that these types of women are in fact more likely to become "addicted" to toxic men than others. In other words, the women you would never expect to fall in love with men who treat them horribly are ... usually the ones who do!
But why do women with such high standards in seemingly every other aspect of their life seem to have such low standards in their emotional relationships?
It's a lot more complicated than you might think - and in the end, it has virtually nothing to do with low expectations or weaknesses ...
Here are some explanations:
1. Successful women are ready to work
Successful women succeed because they have invested in themselves. They know that commitment is rewarded and they apply the same attitude in their relationships. Making an effort in other parts of their life has generally enabled them to get the results they are looking for; why would love be any different?
“Usually you transfer this understanding without even thinking about it - there's a good chance that if you work hard on your relationships, they'll be good,” psychologist and executive coach Perpetua Neo told INSIDER.
"Add that to the empathy and it can be very difficult because you start to try to figure out why he is the way he is."
Basically, successful women tend to keep giving and giving and giving ...
2. Toxic men tend to target powerful women
Successful women are not weak; rather, they are targets for anything that makes them in effect the opposite of weak.
“It's a common misconception that these men go to weak women; it's quite the opposite. These pathologically egotistical guys want a strong woman who has a lot to give, ”said Bobbi Palmer, Founder and CEO of Date Like a Grownup.
And why do narcissistic men prey on powerful women?
Bobbi Palmer claims it's because these type of men are looking for women who can constantly stroke their ego, which is surprisingly fragile.
These men also want someone strong and strong they can count on to take care of them… especially an empathetic person who will meet their "childish" and intelligent needs in order to prove that they are even more. intelligent. They also tend to want empowered women so that they don't have to take care of the woman's needs ...
What do women get in return?
The quintessential alpha male who is exciting, fun, charming and witty. Which of course complicates things, Palmer says.
“He's funny, intense and, when you're with him, you never get bored. We feel that he "understands" us.
This chemistry makes you feel like you have his attention ... for a moment ...
3. An exhilarating sex life
It is easy to become blinded by love and, frankly, the good sex. This is especially true because most people don't immediately show their true toxic colors - and if a relationship starts out as a loving, mutually beneficial, and growth-oriented relationship, it's hard to admit when that relationship takes a bad turn. (especially for strong women who tend to be fixer-uppers).
Add satisfying sex, which boosts chemistry, and an unhealthy relationship can quickly turn toxic.
Studies overwhelmingly show that men who possess the personality traits of the Dark Triad (narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism) are adept at forming new relationships. They have a greater will and ability to compete with their own sex and, therefore, to mate more.
During this time, women tend to manifest a duality in their desires: a loving and committed partner and an attraction to men with darker personality traits, usually on a shorter term. In other words, the innate sexual selection of women comes into play and strong women who are in touch with their sexuality and are confident in their sexuality can pay more attention to it.
What do you think about these explanations? Do you know someone who always falls for the 'bad guy'?